Time Flies
Been a while since I last updated this blog. It is hard to believe that come this Sunday it will be 12 months since Xavier was with us for a blink of an eye. Our hearts are still broken and not a day goes by where he is not in our thoughts. Some days the thoughts are happy, but most days thinking of Xavier often ends in tears.
Mum and I know that Xavier is with us. There are little signs here and there that let us know. All we want is for him to know that we are ok and that we love him.
By no doubt this has been the hardest year of my life as it has been for Mum as well, but Mr Three has been our mortar and has given us plenty to keep us occupied. Mr Three is growing up so fast and amazes us every day with new things he has learned.
The last year would have also been so much harder if it wasn't for our family, friends and respective workplaces. Everyone has shown us so much respect and support. From the bottom of our hearts we say thank you to each and every one of you.
Although undoubtedly the hardest year of our lives there has also been a lot of positives. Mum has moved into a new role at work which she is enjoying and is coming home not all wound up like her old role was doing to her. Mr Three has moved into a new school where he is going to be able to go from childcare right through to Year 12. It is such a relief to know that his educational future is in place.
For me, I reincarnated Clough I.T. Solutions shortly prior to Xavier's birth in the hope of providing a boost to our income while Mum was off work and Xavier in hospital. After Xavier passed away I decided I would continue with Clough I.T. and I am very pleased to say that the business is going great. I have still been working at IGA a few nights a week and between Clough I.T. and IGA I have been doing around 60-80 hours a week. Needless to say I am pretty exhausted at the moment, however, there is a silver lining. At the end of July I am dropping IGA back to one night a week which is going to allow me to not only catch up with myself but also spend some much needed time with Mum & Mr Three. And sleep, I am going to be able to sleep!!!
Seeds are Planted
After Xavier, Mum & I were asked on a number of occasions if we would 'try again'. We were pretty adamant that we wouldn't, neither of us felt that we could go through that type of journey again. As the months passed, time started healing. We saw how much Mr Three was growing up, and growing up alone (without a brother or sister) and we felt the emptiness left after Xavier, so we started talking about having another child. Both of us were nervous (shit scared actually) and we both had a lot of 'what if' questions, so we contacted The Mater Hospital and arranged to go in and meet with them to discuss what would happen if we tried again. As usual they were amazing and were able to answer all our questions and even a few we had not thought to ask and we walked away confident that we could get through another pregnancy relatively unscathed.It is with great pleasure and excitement that we announce we are expecting! Woohoo! We are nervous but we are so very, very excited. Mum thinks we may be having a little girl because she is suffering from morning sickness just about every day at the moment, something which she didn't have many problems with with Mr Three or Xavier.
At this stage we don't have a confirmed DOB but it will probably be around the time of Australia Day. Due to the complications experienced during Xaviers birth Mum will have a planned Cesarean which means we will know our little ones DOB before they are even born!
So the next 6-7 months are going to be exciting for us. Mr Three is going to be an amazing big brother, he has the most amazing caring and nurturing nature (most of the time).
For mum & I, we have begun a new journey and are looking forward to being mummy & daddy again to another wonderful child. We can never replace Xavier, nor would we want to. No matter what our lives bring us Xavier will always be in our hearts and minds. There is a song that I am sure most of you have heard, it is the song written in tribute to Paul Walker (Fast and Furious) which sums up perfectly how we feel with Xavier. We will see you again Xavier, and we will make up for lost time, I promise. I love you mate, I miss you so much and I would give anything, anything, to have you here with us.
