Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Mummy Bear

Emotional Roller Coaster

I know that Dad has been writing the blog so far and  now I wanted to contribute - Mummy bear. The weekend with the massage and baby shower was beautiful. Words can't express how much I appreciated everything - thank you Auntie K.  I was nervous leading into the shower but as a friend kindly put things in perspective - you need to take time to celebrate your little X Man as you truly don't know what is around the corner and you are having a beautiful baby boy.

This week things has started to become real, X Man is moving around a lot and responding to us more, especially when he hears Mr Two which is special. I have very torn emotions: ranging from the general freak out of another child on the way (are we ready for this again?), being plain out right scared, numb and of course excitement.

The hospital appointments are coming in thick and fast, I guess with the knowledge we have been building I thought things would be easier at this stage. Err no, not for me this week I have really felt I have been pushed way back to square one and some. Thank goodness for Dad, my best friend and my hubby.

Take it one day at a time and be positive but remain realistic.....this is where I am sitting at the moment. For some people I guess that maybe hard to hear and writing it on paper and re-reading it it does seem a bit harsh. I guess that's the little box I am putting the baggage in.


Emotional Roller Coaster

A Hospital Visit and a Baby Shower

A Hospital Visit

A scheduled appointment last week, basically just a check up and to finalise Mum's records to ensure everything was up to date for The Mater after our transition from Logan Hospital.  We got to listen to X Man's heart.  It is amazing that his heart sounds so strong considering the deformity. In my books this is a really good sign, we need our little X Man to be strong.  Everything else checked out ok.  

A Baby Shower

My wonderful sister, Auntie K, with help from Grandma and Nanny P, put on a Baby Shower for Mum on the weekend.  
Baby Shower
A great day was had by all. Auntie K had organised games all with a baby theme.  Although I was not directly involved, I was floating around while looking after Mr Two and I could see (and hear) that the air was light and there was a lot of laughter and good times being had.  I cannot express how thankful I am to everyone involved for helping to make this day so enjoyable for Mum. It was a well needed positive distraction from our journey and I know that Mum is also very appreciative.

We were very fortunate to have received many amazing gifts for X Man and again Mum and I would like to thank everyone for these gifts.

Counting Down

Things are starting to pick up for us now.  Our calendar is looking very full with hospital and associated appointments.  We are also now starting to count down, first to Mum's final day at work before going on maternity leave, and secondly to welcoming X Man into our world.  We are still looking at August 1st for the due date, but if X Man is anything like his big brother we are probably looking like meeting our little man around the middle of July, which brings me to...

Guess X Man's Birthday

Want to take a guess at X Man's birthday?  Leave your guess as a comment below.  Closest gets bragging rights!

Monday, 7 April 2014

A Level Of Acceptance

A Level Of Acceptance

In a previous post I spoke about The Road Ahead and the journey we have been presented with.  In today's post I would like to speak of the level of acceptance that Mum and I have reached.

As those of you who are following our story on Facebook would have seen, Mum reached a milestone last week in being able to speak openly about X Man and the road ahead without breaking down.

A Level Of Acceptance

Those of you who know Mum will know that she is a stronger person than she likes to believe.  This being said, it would not be human for even the strongest minded person to not be affected by the news that their child will need to travel the journey that X Man has ahead of him.  Mum is no exception, and for many days there were tears accompanying the sense of disbelief.  I am so very proud of Mum for having reached this milestone.  I know that there are still going to be teary moments along the way and I know (and importantly Mum knows as well) that I will be there to provide that shoulder to cry upon.

As for myself, I guess the best way for me to describe how I am feeling is numb.  Through the excellent information provided by the Doctors, Midwives and staff at The Mater, our GP and through my own research I have a fairly solid understanding of what lies ahead medically for our little X Man. Like Mum, I can also speak openly about our journey with X Man without becoming overwhelmed with emotion.  However, there is no research which will tell me how I am going to handle things emotionally when the time comes.  I do not like being unprepared (just ask Mum).  I like to know exactly what I am walking into at all times.  I guess this is a classic sign of my anxiety.  For me this is my biggest challenge, but I know I have a massive support base of friends and family behind me with the greatest support of course coming from Mum, and when the time comes together we will help each other pull through.

So have I reached the same level of acceptance as Mum?  Or has mum reached the same level of acceptance as I have?  Both valid questions because whilst we both are travelling the same journey and are doing so together, we are also still both very much in control of our own conscious and emotions.  We are dealing with X Mans journey together as well as in our own ways and we are in no way expected to conform to one another's ways.  We have always believed that whilst we have our life together as a couple and a family unit, we are still very much individuals and we give each other the freedom to live our individual lives (within reason of course!)

Some Things More Difficult Than Others To Accept

Whilst Mum and I have reached our own levels of acceptance, there are some things about our journey ahead that we are struggling to come to terms with.  It is funny how the mind works and what it can focus on in a sea of information.  For Mum and I we are both finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact that X Man will look "blue" for the first few years of his life (until the Fontan Procedure).  This is such a minor thing in the grand scale of things but we just can't seem to shake it.  We think it may be because we don't know exactly what "blue" looks like.  We are going to ask the hospital if they have any images which they can show us that will provide us a better understanding of this.


For me personally, I am having trouble accepting that X Man will one day be home with us.  A month ago I was so excited and looking forward to finding out if X Man was a boy or a girl so I could start putting together their room ready for when they came come from hospital.  Now I am so scared that if I put together X Man's room and the worst does happen that I would not be able to face seeing yet alone entering that room.  I now am going to wait until X Man has had his second operation and is recovering well before I put his room together.  I know from the outside this may seem strange, but this is something I need to work with.  Who knows, over the next few months my level of acceptance may grow and I may feel comfortable enough to start putting X Mans room together ready for him to come home.

Thursday, 27 March 2014

The Road Ahead

The Road Ahead

In a previous post I introduced you to The X Man - Our Battle With HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome) and the journey ahead of us. The information I provided at the time had mostly been obtained from various online sources while we waited to see the specialist at The Mater Hospital. As it turns out those online resources were very much on the money.

Yesterday we had our appointment at The Mater. This purpose of this appointment was to have a more in depth scan of X Man's heart to determine the full extent of the deformity.  

Confirming The Worst

The Doctor who saw us was amazing. He reviewed the scan results and then took us aside for counselling. It was at this time that the Doctor advised us that the issue with the heart was a variant of HLHS known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Spectrum. It was explained to us that in a normal case of HLHS the left side of the heart may show as approx 50% the size of the right (a normal heart the left and right sides are equal). In X Man's case, the left side of the heart is only around 20% the size of the right.

One of the questions I asked was how many cases of HLHS do they see.  The response was that Queensland wide they see roughly 20 cases per year.

Our Options

We were presented with 3 options.  Each of these options was explained to us and there was no expectation of us to make a decision straight away.  These options were:
  1. Surgery
  2. Conservative / Palliative Comfort Care
  3. Discontinue
Quite daunting really when you sit back and look at the options. It was explained that the same options were presented to all parents facing the birth of a child with HLHS and all options were taken. Mum and I through our research had already discussed which option we were going to take so we were able to let them know that we wanted to proceed with the surgery. We want to give our little X Man the best chance at life we possibly can, be it a day, a month, a year or 100 years, he is our little boy.

Surgery

There are 3 operations which will need to be performed.  

Surgery 1: Norwood Procedure

The first operation is called a Norwood Procedure and is carried out within the first few days after birth. The goal of the Norwood procedure is to connect the single ventricle to the systemic circulation. To accomplish this, blood flow to the lungs is disrupted, and therefore an alternative path must be created to supply the lungs.  In simple terms, the Aorta (which distributes oxygenated blood to all parts of the body) is reconstructed using the Pulmonary Artery (which carries de-oxygenated blood from the heart to the lungs). One of two 'shunt' operations is also performed to maintain blood flow to the lungs. 

Although I cannot recall the exact reason why, the little piece of good news is that the Norwood Procedure can be performed in Brisbane rather than X Man having to go to Sydney or Melbourne.  I do know that it is because X Mans HLHS is not the classic HLHS, but the defining reason escapes me.  A question for the Doctor on our next visit...

Because the oxygenated blood coming back from the lungs to the heart is mixing with the de-oxygenated blood from the body, X Man's colour is going to be blue rather than pink.


Norwood Procedure

Surgery 2: Glenn Procedure

The second operation is called a Glenn Procedure.  This procedure involves hooking up the Superior Vena Cava to the right Pulmonary Artery and detaching it from the Right Atrium, making a direct connection between the Superior Vena Cava and the Pulmonary Artery, diverting half of the "blue" blood directly to the lungs without the assistance of the Ventricle. It is usually performed around 3-4 months of age once the lungs mature to the point that blood flows more easily through, and ventricular force is no longer necessary.

X Man will continue to look blue after this operation.
Glenn Procedure

Surgery 3: Fontan Procedure

The third operation is called a Fontan Procedure and usually occurs between 3 to 5 years of age. This involves connecting the veins from the main circulation (SVC & IVC) directly to the pulmonary arteries. Blue blood is thus directed into the lungs rather than to the left atrium. A patch is placed to prevent blood passing from the RA to the LA - though sometimes a small hole (a 'Fenestration') is deliberately left.  Simply, the blood returning from the body will no longer go through the heart to get to the lungs.  The blood from the lungs will go through the heart and the right side of the heart will be "recommissioned" to perform the duties of the left side (ie, pumping blood through the body).

After this operation X Man will start to look pink.
Fontan Procedure

The Risks

The first operation is by far the riskiest, with around a 15% chance of complications.  At The Mater, they have performed 12 of these operations since their first in 2010, with only one fatality due to complications.  In my book these are pretty good odds.  The second and third operations are not without their risks, however, the chance of complications does drop to around 5%.

After the first two operations X Man will have a low tolerance to exercise, may have an abnormal heart rhythm and will have a higher risk of stroke due to the amount of blue blood flowing through the body.

After the third operation X Man will still have a low tolerance to exercise, but will still be able to participate in non-contact sports that are not too exertive, such as jogging, swimming, tennis etc.  There will also be some very serious things to look out for, such as Protein Losing Enteropathy (caused by fluid retention in the body) and Pleural Effusion (fluid build up in the lungs).

Of course, throughout X Mans life he will always have the risk of sudden heart failure.

Long Term Outlook

After the operations are complete X Man can look forward to a life of around 30 - 40 years.  Due to natural deterioration of the heart the only option available down the track is a heart transplant (this is based on today's medicine, who knows, by then they may be able to grow a whole new heart for X Man).

There will also be continuous trips back and forth to the hospital for check ups during his life.

Mum, Mr Two and I

As you can imagine we are numb. It has hit mum quite hard and the tears have been flowing freely.  For me, it hasn't really hit home yet.  I am more concerned about ensuring that Mum is ok than anything else.  I know I will have my time and that it will be soon and I am prepared for that.

Mum and I are surrounded by an amazing support group of family and friends, we are being looked after by our respective employers and we have an absolutely amazing medical community who we know will do everything they can not only for X Man but for us as well.

My work normally sees me working evenings and mornings, so with X Man and Mum being in hospital for an extended stay I will be left to look after Mr Two myself (with the help of the Grandparents of course), therefore I will not be able to work my normal evening shifts. Work understand this and will help to adjust my working hours so that the impact to our lives and their business is as minimal as possible.  Mum is also in discussions with her employer as it is now going to be necessary for her to take an extended period of maternity leave.

Both Mum and I understand that there is going to be a lot of attention toward X Man and that during this time it is very important that Mr Two be involved as much as possible.  This is important so that Mr Two can begin to understand what is happening around him and so that X Man gets to know his big brother. It is also important that Mr Two still knows that he is still just as important to us as always.

The Next Steps

One of the questions I asked was if there was anything that we can do between now and birth that could help to increase the chances of survival.  Unfortunately there is nothing that we can do, the extreme deformity of the heart shows that even if there is some further growth of the left side between now and birth the heart would still not be able to function normally.

So from here we have to transition from Logan Hospital to the Mater Hospital.  We have an appointment on the 22nd April with our Case Manager to discuss in further details what the road ahead of us involves.  We then go back and see the Doctor on the 13th May for another scan to check how the heart is going and if there are any significant changes.  Then back to The Mater again on the 27th May to meet with the Neonatal staff to discuss birth.  In between will be regular visits with our GP and a number of other blood tests/diabetes tests as well.

Support

We are being asked by many of you if there is anything that you can do to help.  Thank you.  As for now, we don't have anything that we really need to worry about. As time goes on and we get settled in to our journey we may find that we do need some help and support and we would love to have you share in our journey.

If you do find that you wish to contribute in any way, may we suggest a donation to the Mater Foundation.  It is through donations made to this foundation that their ability to help out our little X Man is even possible.

Mum and I will be contacting Heart Kids QLD over the next few days.  Heart Kids QLD is run by parents who have been through their own journeys with children with CHD (Congenital Heart Defects).  Heart Kids QLD are a not for profit organization and any donations would again be welcomed.

We were also provided with a website where we could get further information about HLHS - http://www.hearts-of-hope.org/  I have not yet had a chance to look through this site and I have been warned that there are some sad stories in there.

It may sound strange but last night all I could think about was "how can I help someone else who is in the same shoes as we are?"  It is my aim to continue this blog and to share our story in the hope that our journey may help others along theirs. I will also be making enquiries with The Mater and Heart Kids QLD as to how I can become involved.

Of course, your thoughts and prayers are welcome and appreciated.

As for Now

For now it is a matter of us all coming to terms with our situation, understanding it to the best of our ability and doing everything that we can to help make our foreseeable future as painless and as comfortable as it possibly can be. The next few months of appointments will go by before we know it and then little X Man will be with us and his fight can begin.

Spreading The Word

We would appreciate if you could share a link to this blog with your social media circles (Facebook, Twitter Google+ etc).  Don't forget to subscribe to this blog to get email updates once the blog is updated.

I will also over the coming days be creating a Facebook page to allow the public to follow our journey.

We would also appreciate hearing from anyone who may have travelled a similar journey to our and to hear your experience.

Pain Management

In a previous post I spoke about Pain Management in regards to the pain Mum had been experiencing.  The pain has almost completely gone now thankfully and there was no indication given yesterday during the scan that anything unusual could be seen that may have caused it.  Hopefully that is the last of that!

Until next post, bye for now!

Saturday, 22 March 2014

Pain Management

Pain Management

Another trip to hospital for us last night.  Mum had some more abdominal pain which started Thursday accompanied with a slight bit of spotting, but not as much as there was the episode we had 2 week earlier.  The spotting stopped on Thursday but the pain continued through Friday progressively getting worse.  The closest Mum can explain the pain is similar to severe cramping which fluctuates in intensity.

Mum went to see the GP to get them to check her out.  The GP was not overly concerned, however, she did send us to the hospital for them to do a thorough check to ensure that there was nothing nasty happening.

The staff at Logan Hospital were once again awesome.  They did all the same test as they did with our previous visit.  Everything looked ok from their perspective, and it was decided that it would be a matter of Pain Management for Mum until our scan at The Mater on Wednesday, at which time they will do a more thorough examination to see if they can pinpoint the cause of the pain.

Pain Management


This morning Mum is still hurting but the pain does seem to have settled and Mum is a lot more comfortable.  Hopefully on Wednesday they can identify why Mum has the pain and what can be done to relieve this pain.

Friday, 21 March 2014

Soul Mates

Soul Mates

I received a beautiful card from my wife for my birthday that I wanted to share.  It is written by Carey Martin and titled "To the one person I consider to be my Soul Mate". I love you darling xxx
I am so glad that you are a part of my life. It is a privilege to know you, to share myself with you, and to walk together on the paths that take us in so many beautiful directions.
I had heard of "soul mates" before, but I never knew such a person could exist - until I met you. 
Somehow, out of all the twists and turns our lives could have taken, and out of all the chances we might have missed, it almost seems like we were given a meant-to-be moment to meet, to get to know one another, and to set the stage for a special togetherness. 
When I am with you, I know that I am in the presence of someone who makes my life more complete than I ever dreamed it could be. I turn to you for trust, and you give it openly. I look to you for inspiration, for answers, and for encouragement, and not only do you never let me down - you lift my spirits up and take my thoughts to places where my troubles seem so much farther away and my joys feel like they're going to stay in my life forever. 
I hope you'll stay forever, too. I feel like you're my soul mate. And I want you to know that my world is reassured by you, my tomorrows need to have you near, so many of my smiles depend on you, and my heart is so thankful that you're here.

Thursday, 20 March 2014

Why "X Man"?

Why "X Man"?

Since receiving our news we have had a few people ask if we are going to give baby a name.  Well of course we are, it's just that we are not going to name him yet.  The main reason for this is that by giving him a name it will personalise him and will make it harder for us to process things.  Also, like any parents-to-be we have a number of names on a short list, and if we name him now then we may get in a position where when he is born we realise that he is not a "Billy Ray" as we had named him but is a "Bobby Joe".  So for now little man will be known as X Man until he is born and Mum and I will then give him his name.

But why "X Man"? 

Most people would probably think that it is a reference to The X-Men, well, in part you are right.  While I admit I am not a huge X-Men fan, I know enough.  The X-Men are mutant superheroes who use their powers for the benefit of humanity.  I don't think of X Man's heart as a "mutation", it is a defect.  However, it is a comparable reference.  His special power is the power to fight! And I believe he will fight, and through his fight I am sure that his fighting spirit will give strength where it is needed to not only us but others facing our same fight.  He is our own little superhero.

I also love the symbolism and mystery associated with the letter X.  For instance, one of my favourite TV shows ever - The X-Files - uses the letter X to refer to FBI cases that were considered outside of the normal.  Also, "X marks the spot" (bringing out my inner pirate).  Did you know that X-Rays are so called because their discoverer did not know what they were? In mathematics "x" is commonly used as the name for an independent variable or unknown variable, or can be used to signify multiplication.

There are many many uses for the letter X making it such a strong and versatile symbol.  Not only can X be viewed positively it also has negative connotations as well, such as marking a question wrong in an exam, or to symbolise a dead characters eyes in a cartoon.

But the simple answer lies in X's use to represent unknowns (eg Person X, Place X etc).  While we have a lot of information already, our journey ahead is still a big unknown for us.